That boy is a monster

Dear Lady Gaga,

Katie and I are going to see you in Paris next weekend. Long story but we were originally going to see you for a surprise Christmas present in Chicago. Things didn’t quite work out but while sorting through that situation a good friend checked your tour dates and casually suggested we see you in Paris instead. Paris is just a few hours’ train ride away from here. Aces.

When researching your tour dates and locations, I came across a press release that closely followed the release of Fame Monster album. You referenced the tour and described it as the world’s first “pop-electro opera.” We couldn’t be more excited to find out exactly what that means. You also said you expect all your guests to dress accordingly. A request from the artist to come in costume? YES PLEASE.

Weeks passed as we discussed the options for what kind of attire would be appropriate for her Gaga-ness. From the opera theme and our love for opulent evening wear, we initially thought some kind of vintage Victorian ball-wear would be good. Of course, we should also be zombies. Another idea we developed along the way: Space Vampires. Why? They’re sexy, glittery, and a wonderful negation of the Twilight series.

Your songs and costumes are all about exploiting as much pop-fluff as humanly possible; How far can you push the established trends of entertainment’s erotic bubblegum with lyrics and lycra (or the lack thereof)? We wanted to tap into this irreverent poppiness and still be comfortable jostling about a crowded concert venue. Space Vampires still works as a theme. But how do we achieve it? And on a budget?

As you can imagine there aren’t too many costume retailers in Den Bosch, the Netherlands. There are sneaker shops and posh furniture boutiques aplenty, but we needed to get outside the city’s fortified walls for this. A virtual survey of Amsterdam gave us a number of options, including some vintage shops and a pair of serious-looking costume joints.

We decided to check out Alternatief Kostuum on Amsterdam’s north side. They do rentals by outfit or individual piece, key if you want something ridiculous to wear once and not worry about throwing away later or taking home on a plane. We found them to have an entertaining array of costume elements organized by decade and theme, making things fairly easy to navigate. Naturally, we went straight for the 80s.

You should know that ‘Space Vampires’ was just a thematic idea we had. Neither of us really knew what they should look like in person. I imagine some kind of cross between David Bowie in Labyrinth and the alien villains from Superman II.

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Seeing lots of Michael Jackson jackets and glittery jumpsuits didn’t exactly help our lack of specific vision. After some frustrating minutes we found a couple of solid items to build around.

When we get all the pieces together pictures will follow. For now: Katie found this incredible…thing, that I can only describe as a star-points torso-wrap. Silver and glittery, it goes behind the head, in front of the shoulders, then under the arms and connects across the back. It gives the dazzling effect of halo, popped collar, and planetary radiance, all at once. It was a must have. To complement the piece she found a shimmery dark silver Marilyn Monroe-esque top. It’s a killer combo. She plans to top things off with a creative up-do and pencil some colorful angles and shapes onto her face. Oh, and of course there will be vampire fangs.

I found a tight sleeveless top that looks kind of like it came from the Tron costume bin. There are thick black bars of black and silver, and the jury is out on the intended gender. It’s quite marvelous. We also found a black leather jacket full of hardware with a tall collar. The shirt is definitely spacey, and the jacket gives off more of a modern Vampire (think Kate Beckinsale’s pvc duster in Underworld) punk-toughness than your typical stateliness. Trust me, it works. To complete my look we decided some black jeans, bright converse hi-tops, and ridiculous shades would all go nicely. Yes, my mom did try to convert me from black sweatpants to jeans in elementary school and I resisted. Now I live in my Levis. Full circle and all that I guess.

Vampire fangs: We didn’t want your typical “mouth guard” style of plastic teeth. No, we and the costumes deserve better. We found another costume shop basically around the corner from the Anne Frank House. This place was loaded with makeup, masks, props, and hats. And fortunately for us, some rather real-looking vampire fangs. Individual caps that go over your canines. Complete with dental-grade putty for achieving a flawless fit. Now we’re talking. These things look downright vicious.

Also at the shop we picked up sparkly black tights and elbow-length gloves for the Space Vampiress, and some turquoise metallic Kanye shades for me. One can never have too many pairs of sparkly black tights. And fake blood. We knew we were in the right place when the nice-enough-but-still-pretty-nerdy clerk explained the different ways you could apply the stuff based on his personal use of the same product. He also reference different blood products I could choose from depending on the type of blood effect I was going for. Experience makes a great salesperson, and real-life fantasy role-player. I love it.

Amsterdam took care of us yesterday, even though everything is only open until 6. We’re starting to understand the curving streets that change name as you go across canals. What makes less sense is the continuing standoff between the city and its sanitation workers. Not the cleanest of cities to begin with, the ‘Venice of the North’ has gotten simply rotten over the past couple of weeks. There are piles of trash throughout the city that just keep getting bigger. Not so in Den Bosch. Glad we could come back to our own clean, quiet little city for the evening. And blast Alejandro. One week and counting, your highness, until we join you for a monstrous evening.

Your loyal little monsters,

Tim and Katie

Asperges Maand!

Updates:

Things are still going swimmingly at my magazine internship. I’m working in to the Amsterdam office thrice a week and enjoying getting a few more heavy writing responsibilities. Through some less-than-honorable experiences I learned the value of old-school fact checking. Now I’m on the straight and narrow, calling sources left and right. There’s been a little trial-by-fire but it’s good to have real experiences setting the tone for how the job needs to be done correctly.

One of my latest projects was finding out about the “new” and “hip” aspects of the tattoo scene in Amsterdam. After doing some background research I went out into the field and interviewed a number of local artists. It was a great experience as I fancy myself a strong people-person, but not necessarily a talented journalistic interviewer. It can be hard getting people to give you a colorful quote. Especially if English is not their first or primary language. But I learned and got better as I went. The folks I talked to were all terribly nice and interesting to get to know. Several offered coffee and invited me back for less official hanging out. Friendly, talented people all. If only they didn’t smoke so much. But everyone around here does, so I guess I can’t fault them.

Last Saturday was National Asparagus Day (Asperges Dag) in the Netherlands. Why? Not sure. Apparently May is National Asparagus Month. I guess Den Bosch was putting special emphasis on the vegetable that day. In the Markt there was a plethora of white asparagus, the larger, sun-deprived cousin of green asparagus. Known for its harder skin, more tender and bland flesh, the white often gets used in soup. Apparently the white color is achieved by packing extra soil around the base so little or no sunlight penetrates, thus preventing the plant from performing photosynthesis and turning green. The things remind me of the Bunnicula books we read in elementary school. But how does the vegetable grow without sunlight? Well, my friends, since the Netherlands is effectively one big delta most of its “reclaimed” (water pumped out) soil is full of juicy, delicious nitrates. Perfect for growing all kinds of good stuff. Like white asparagus. We bought a sizeable bundle of it and then ended up cooking this a few days ago:

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Gratin-of-White-Asparagus-358429

I used crumbled croutons instead of bread crumbs and cilantro instead of parsley because, well, that’s what we had. And the grocery store didn’t seem to have bread crumbs for sale. Apparently Holland is practically in the culinary stone age. Bread crumbs, people!

Bread crumbs are not the only major food element missing from Dutch grocery stores. I still have been unable to find a replacement for the staple of my diet over the past several years, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Hollanders love cheese and have plenty of pasta. They also exhibit a proclivity for creamy sauces and salads. How have they not discovered the Blue Box? It escapes me. Then again, they don’t but peanut butter and chocolate together either. What?! I’m sure they would go nuts for either combination with it put before them. I could probably make some serious dough establishing a trade deal for peanut butter M&Ms and the Blue Box. All I know is I’ll have more than a few boxes in my suitcase when I return from my US visit in a couple of weeks. More on that trip soon.

Less Than Rainy Zaterdag

April has not been particularly rainy, as you can see. I couldn't be happier, but I suppose May may not be as lush as a result. Oh well. I'll take beautiful now.

Things are heating up for Katie's area of her customer's project. She went in to work yesterday, Saturday. Believe it or not, being able to go and work in privacy seems to be good for her. So I didn't argue. Me, I went out to pick up some foodstuffs so we'd both be productive.

We didn't need a lot but I wanted to go walk around the Markt anyway. 'Snacks' was on my list so I stopped at a booth we visited last week, a Greek, Dutch-residing man with various homemade breads and tapenades. Really marvelously fresh stuff. We chatted a little about the differences among home, travel, and vacation. I excitedly asked him about living in Greece and to my surprise he commented that going back there to see family is actually a little boring. He has family also in Russia, California, and the Netherlands. Those places are all more exciting for him to spend time visiting than his native Greece. No offense to my Virginia home but I understand his points.

I paid the man and moved on to the grocery store. It was close to 5pm and the sun was just starting to take on that 'late afternoon' burnt gold hue. It was going to be a beautiful evening and I had plenty of time to get out with my camera after bringing home the groceries.

I grabbed the camera and my current read and biked out to one of the filled-in, brick-walled bastions on the city's outer ring. I snapped a few shots and enjoyed some page-turning under a tree. Here is my Facebook album where I've been putting pictures from the Netherlands. They go from old to new.

Updates Galore

Here are a few updates on my new life in the Netherlands:

1. On Mondays and Wednesdays I have been going to Ultimate Frisbee practice with some friends I was lucky enough to meet through my girlfriend’s work. My prior experience with the game was purely recreational and much less organized than this game. For Pete’s sake, there are warm-ups and drills!

The formalized game play was a little overwhelming at first, but I’ve been getting the hang of it. It’s been great to play a team sport again and the whole practice is a great workout. Since most of the other players are native Dutch the practices are also a good opportunity to try out my Rosetta Stone language skillz.

2. I found a sports complex with a pool where I can swim fairly cheaply. Unfortunately the open hours are 7-9am and 12-1pm. Fortunately my current state of unemployment makes it pretty easy to fit these times into my schedule. But anyway, the pool is great. It’s not terribly crowded, which is great because they don’t put in lane lines during the open swim.

Going at the 12-1 window has been cool because it’s kind of like a group practice. I’ve seen a lot of the same people there regularly – we all go for the whole hour – and we all are showering and changing at the same time. This has given me the opportunity to meet some more Dutch people, make friends and practice the language. I even got a haircut location recommendation from my latest friend.

While learning something new is always exciting, it can also be humbling and frustrating. As much as I like playing Ultimate and learning new words for things, having a lot of new come at you at once can be altogether draining. Going to the pool has helped in that respect because swimming is something I already know how to do well (I’m no Olympian but years of training and coaching weren't in vain). Being able to go to the pool and be one of the more experienced and fast swimmers feels good. It’s OK to enjoy an ego boost to balance all the inexperienced newness. At least I think so.

3. At the beginning of the month I started an unpaid internship with an excellent arts and culture magazine in Amsterdam, written IN ENGLISH! Amsterdam, you say? Isn’t that on the other side of the country from Den Bosch? Yes, but it’s like traversing Maryland.

Most Dutch people, especially A’dam’ers, are used to a cross-town bike commute so the hour-long train ride it takes me to get there from Den Bosch earned me a couple of quizzical looks along the way. I don’t mind. It’s a far cry from the two trains + bus I had to take from Chicago to Skokie when I first worked at the Nordstrom’s there. This is a piece of cake. I got myself a discount train card (pays for itself after just a couple of uses) and the smooth ride is great for reading, writing and the occasional crossword puzzle.

I’ve really enjoyed the internship thus far. Initially I was asked to come in once a week. Now they want to see me thrice. Progress! I’ve had the opportunity to do some nuts and bolts work for them but some bigger writing opportunities are looming on the horizon. In addition, I might get the chance to do a little photography! Though it isn’t exactly gainful employment, I really like the magazine and the service it provides to Amsterdam residents and tourists. I was told that in some instances interns get the opportunity for a paid position of sorts. That’s my goal.

4. Since I am still waiting to hear back from some part-time Den Bosch jobs I decided to use my recent birthday as an excuse to realize goal of learning to play guitar and become the third member of the Black Keys. Having no experience whatsoever I decided to start from the very beginning.

Fortunately there is a small sales/repair shop at the end of our street and I found its sole proprietor to be helpful, friendly, and altogether cool. Having been a salesperson for a number of years I have a sense about selling personalities. This man is a musician and instrument repairman, not a seller. I figured I could trust him.

After making an initial visit to see options and prices I could compare against the online community, I decided to go back and pull the trigger on a folk/acoustic: Greg Bennett Design Samich D-5 with beautiful cherry-stained neck and sides. Of the guitars I tried it also made the biggest sound without sacrificing tone. If I’m going to play acoustic blues-rock some day that quality will come in handy.

In just a week and a half of lessons with various YouTube instructors I’ve learned about 9 major and minor chords, the pentatonic scale, and how to pick out Ode to Joy and Let It Be. Slllloooooowwwllllyyy.

Learning an instrument is no foreign concept to me, but it’s definitely a different beast from piano, French horn and mellophone. I’ve noticed my fingers and hand get tired quicker than my lips, though it was many years ago that I first buzzed on a mouthpiece. Endurance should come with time and practice.

I’m definitely enjoying the process, and I need to because I’m not to the point yet where I can enjoy the sounds that are coming from the guitar. But I do like practicing, which is a sensation I don’t remember having earlier on in my musical career. Maybe that’s also just maturity talking.

If you've made it this far, I appreciate your time and patience. I promise to write in smaller doses and more often to prevent the need for long comprehensive updates like this one.

I've added some more pictures to my Facebook album that you can also check out here. For pictures of my visit to the Keukenhof, famous Dutch tulip garden, here is the album.

Snap Snap Snap

Camera phone! A couple of beautiful days in Den Bosch and Amsterdam yielded a number of pretty pictures. You can check them out in my Facebook album with this public link

Here is a little taste:

The Oude Kerk (Old Church) is smack-dab in the middle of Amsterdam's Red Light District.


This canal canal separates the Oude Kerk from the more, shall we say, action packed area of the RLD.

Then Out Came the Sun

Sort of. It was patchy. At least it wasn't raining.

We pass this big Japanese Cherry several times a week while running, but yesterday Katie and I walked the outer wall of Den Bosch for a change. We soaked up Sunday's last bit of sunlight to cap off a pleasantly quiet weekend. More pictures from this walk, as well as other pictures I've taken in the NL can be found in my Facebook album here. Apparently it adds the latest photos to the end of the album.

Another weekend highlight was our Saturday night dinner with some friends at De Pino, an Italian restaurant just around the corner from our apartment. This charming little establishment is quite cozy - a kitchen plus a kitchen-sized dining room separated by narrow register/bar - as there seemed to be room for only 20-30 people. Upon walking in the front door you are practically in the kitchen, so we were immediately greeted by richly seasoned aromas of tomatoes, garlic, onions...I could go on but it's difficult to type on drool-covered keys.

For appetizer we had a dish highly recommended by friends, present company included, that can really only be described as "goat cheese heaven." I could have gone home and died a happy man just after finishing this divine dish of fresh French bread bathing in baked and shredded geitenkaas. As delicious as it was simple, the crisp yet fluffy bread made a perfect carbo-complement to the subtle sour creaminess of its goat cheese bath. Oh, to be that bread...

For an entree I tried the meat lasagna. This dish can be dangerous: I've seen blocks of cheese the size of your head, slabs of pasta overflowing the plate, etc. But this portion was well-controlled and creatively served in a short, walled dish, similar to the appetizer. This meant the lasagna itself could actually sit in ADDITIONAL tomato-cream sauce. Brilliant! Once the straight-from-the-oven heat dissipated I made quick work of this more modest-a pasta. Heavy on the tomatoes and herbs and more controlled with the cheese and meat, it was a well-balanced harmony of ingredients.

No sooner had my friend across the table (who had had the cannelloni) and I found ourselves in the similar predicament of having excess sauce then our waitress appeared bearing more French bread with garlic butter so mouthwateringly fresh, it was practically sprouting roots.

De Pino, your close proximity will doubtless become a blessing and a curse.

Back in the Saddle

A friend recently asked me if I “found it quite different living abroad.” I’m guessing he meant to imply ‘different living abroad from living in the U.S.’ It is a pretty straight-forward question and I think ultimately the one I am often thinking about for writing in this space.

With the hectic excitement of moving to the Netherlands from America I did a poor job of taking any time to reflect about my initial impressions of Dutch people and their country. Now that I’ve spent good couple weeks here and the raw, tumultuous part of the transition is past, I’m starting settle in with the surroundings. And have a few simple thoughts about life being different.

My initial response to my friend’s question was, “no, not particularly.” Maybe that’s a pretty subjective assessment. But other than the absence of a day-to-day job, my way of life is not fundamentally different. I check email, read blogs and online articles, buy groceries at a large chain store, go out to bars and restaurants with friends, etc. None of those feel very different. And, arguably, they are not. We’re not living in a small, remote Dutch village –‘s-Hertogenbosch is a comfortably modern and globalized city that just doesn’t happen to have good BBQ, stuffed pizza, or Seven for All Mankind jeans.

Most of the activities I listed don’t require much face-to-face social interaction, and there is a reason for that. Even with the help of Rosetta Stone, I still find people speaking native Dutch at me to be very intimidating. My vocabulary, pronunciation and confidence are all improving, but the amount I am able to apply them outside the house and my circle of friends is only slowly growing.

Interestingly, the Dutch are not particularly intimidating people. In the past weeks we have visited IKEA, car rental stations, restaurants, bars, and stores and we quickly run out of Dutch things to say, reverting to “Ik spreek kleine Nederlands,” or “In Engels, alstublieft?” Most of the time person we’re speaking with is able to pick right up with pretty decent English. And most of the time they appear happy to do so. It’s a very warm and welcoming experience, though at the same time a little embarrassing.

I think it would be one thing if we were simply tourists, just trying to get around for a few days or weeks on our way to the next country. But in taking residence here I want to feel like I belong, fit in, am not a major imposition on these people. I want to feel like I at least come close to meeting the club membership requirements.

I do feel like less of a tourist with the small (but expanding!) amount of Dutch I can speak with local Den Bosch’ers. For short and or routine exchanges – such as the grocery store checkout line – I know most of the appropriate questions and answers. Even in a longer conversation when the other person realizes I am “amerikanse” and speaks to me in English, I still try to use as much Dutch as I know, even if it’s just nummers or kleuren. So far, people respond to this practice positively: more open body language, approving facial expressions, smiles, laughs, words of encouragement. I can tell they appreciate the effort, just like I appreciate theirs. Awwwwww.